We'd have been better off just keeping walking

Right. Despite somehow being persuaded to go clubbing last night with my sister and our brother I did manage to crash out enough to get my brain back from the cleaner's so here we go with a proper recap.

Such is my penchant for jumping on planes to see INXS in concert (hey, everyone needs a hobby) that on Thursday it was the first time in many years, I actually had to work on the day of an INXS concert. Well, I say work - I had to be present in an office on the day of an INXS concert. Luckily, a colleague (another crazy lifelong fan) and I, much to the unadulterated joy of all those who sit near us, declared the Thursday INXS day. It was such a success that we are thinking of petitioning the Queen to have it made a bank holiday. So after irritating the hell out of everyone by boogying around and generally squeeing all day, at 5.29 on the dot I shot out of the office like a demented cannonball, all but vaulted the ticket barrier then threw myself on the floor, kicking and screeching "MOOOOOVVVVEEEEEEEE" at the interminably dawdling Circle Line, finally arriving at my flat a sweating, crazed, shadow of my former self. My lovely friend Sarah (many years ago we solemnly decided that we could only continue our friendship because she was in love with Michael and I was in love with Jon, therefore there would be no tearing each other's hair out in undignified fits of competition) arrived, we flagged a taxi and jauntily informed him that we needed to get to the Shepherds Bush Empire and we needed to be there by 10am this morning then the queue started forming, please.

"I can see you're in a hurry love" the driver commented. "You forgot to get dressed."

Tutting at his impertinence but inside quite pleased to receive confirmation that I was suitably attired to breathe the same air as INXS, I turned to Sarah and launched into a story on some minutiae of my life that I am sure had her on the edge of her seat. Gesticulating wildly and acting out all the characters as I am wont to do, I suddenly realized out of the corner of my eye that we were still on Kensington Road. This wasn't quite right at all. Amongst my many and mostly useless talents, I happen to somehow be a human A-Z when it comes to London's streets. I stun and amaze friends and family with my encyclopaedic knowledge of traffic hotspots and dodgy one way systems, and the Live Baby Live commentary drives me bonkers when one of them (Garry I think) mentions that they picked up the police escort on the way to Wembley at Hammersmith because why weren't they on the A40? It was Saturday afternoon, who in their right mind went to Wembley via the A306?? So I wasn't best pleased when our taxi pulled onto Hammersmith roundabout because it's not the right way to Shepherds Bush either. Emma was texting from inside the venue, Laura was standing outside - and Sarah and I were in fucking Hammersmith… pulling up at the Palais.

"You did say the Hammersmith Palais, right love?"

Like a soap opera widow throwing herself into an open grave, I nose dived on the taxi floor and screeched "NNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Shepherds Bush EEEMMMPPIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRREE!!!"

It was at this point that I desperately texted Emma to beg her to spread eagle in her spot (stage Tim, not far from the front) to save some space for us, and she quite rightly replied that if she was going to spread eagle for anyone at an INXS concert, it wouldn't be me. Sarah clicked her fingers in front of my face to distract me and avert impending cabbie-cide. A while later we pulled up at the Empire, and made it inside to meet a grateful Emma who was desperately holding back the hoards and nearly sinking into the splits. Alcohol was procured, and all was right with the world.