The Best Live Band in the World. Ever. Fact.

The Kuranda Ampitheatre is almost ridiculously stunning; in two words: tropical paradise. The steep winding road that leads to it through lush, exotic rainforest could be described, if I were to be utterly cheesy, which I will be for the minute - as a climb to heaven. Up and up and up until finally you reach the tiny town of Kuranda. Just slightly out of town again, the ampitheatre, nestled amongst palm trees and under an almost fantastical starry sky. The last word in 5 star sophistication it 'aint - I learned much, much later that evening that there was a snake in one of the loos and had I known that at the time it might have been 'bollocks to INXS I am off' but as I was blissfully unaware I remain enamoured of the ruggedness of the venue. We had planned to arrive early and spend a little time exploring Kuranda, but thanks to the surprisingly wind-y drive and complicated parking situation, we arrived at the venue just a few minutes before the doors opened so figured we might as well wait. From where we stood, bouncing excitedly like two year olds (okay, that was mostly me) we could hear the tail end of the sound check - Perfect Strangers if we are going to be detail oriented about it. I won't deny that PS isn't my favourite song on Switch, but, as always with this band, you have to hear it live before you judge and even the snatches that floated out to us bouncing under the palm trees by the gate sounded great. Moments later the gate was opened and we shot with such abandon in the direction of the stage that I tripped and skidded on the grassy steepness and got my feet splattered in mud - honestly, my sophistication at times intimidates even me. However, risking life or at least sandals was worth it, as we made it without further drama to the very front of the barriers, directly in front of Kirk - which, as any experienced INXS concert goer will tell you, is the best place to me. You have a perfect view of Kirk, Andrew and Jon from there, and the other three move around enough that you can see them too. The warm up act, a local band called the Killer Beez, were absolutely fantastic - lively, funky sound, kind of a fusion of acoustic and electric with a driving beat, and a lovely drummer. What can I say, I am a sucker for a band with an edible drummer, and as they didn't appear to be selling any CDs at the concert, will be hunting online as soon as I have left the country with the crazily expensive internet cafes.

I have never managed to get over that Christmas morning, heart thumping, first date, light headed feel at the thought that INXS will momentarily be playing music right in front of me. I've often thought that the powers that be could test cars or houses for ability to withstand hurricanes (or cyclones down here) by putting them in front of INXS playing live. Whether it is from the back of Wembley Arena or the front row of the Kuranda Ampitheatre, the sheer blast of energy that blares from the stage is... well I wouldn't dream of condoning or suggesting experience with any illicit substance, but let's say that at $72AUS it is the best value high I can think of. There was no countdown due to there being no curtain, so the first inkling I had of the show's imminent start was the sight of Jon Farriss - in a sparkly shirt- wandering on stage in the direction of the drumkit. I clutched my friend's arm and squealed like a punctured helium balloon "itsjonitsjonitsjon", she confirmed that yes it was indeed Jon, and suddenly they were all there: Kirk just feet in front of me in embroidered shirt and characteristically funky shoes; Andrew in surprisingly un-startlingly white trainers, the unobtrusive genius lost in the music at the back; Tim sadly still sporting the pornstache and a fitted white shirt, flirting his face off; Garry in the pleasantly fitted although unfortunately coloured brown trousers, and who could forget the young'un. All in black with a pink tie, J.D. shot on stage like a lanky-long-legged cannon ball as the lights exploded and Suicide Blonde threatened to blow the tops off the palm trees. The crowd roared and we were off. JD seemed to be having some trouble with his earpiece, and even had to dash off to the side of the stage (without missing a note) to have someone help him re-attach it - when he danced back on, Garry chuckled and rolled his eyes. Speaking of JD's dancing, holy fuck can that boy move. Every limb, almost every muscle appeared to have a life of its own and those shimmying hips can make a girl come over all unnecessary ;) His voice is out this world - I hadn't fully appreciated just how ill he was in Vegas until I heard him at full blast on Friday, the power and note perfection, creativity and sheer sex puts him unquestionably in the league of some of the greatest rock voices of all time. And the band? The band were on fire. I don't think that anything has taken a beating like those drums since the last time Scotland played an international football match, the funky blast of the saxophone had me weak at the knees and nearly shot half way to Fiji at the same time, the fucking riffs just about started an earthquake and I felt the driving rhythm of the bass and maracas in places I don't care to mention since my parents might read this.

I have speculated before why on earth it should be that these blokes invoke such an emotional attachment, and I have yet to come up with an answer. I knew that JD was the man for the job, ironically enough, when I caught the tail end of We are the Champions. If one of the others had turned in a rubbish performance, I might have thought "that's a shame for them, oh well" but JD? I was gutted for him. Absolutely gutted - I had to switch off the tv and hide behind the sofa. In contrast, the utter joy that the band clearly felt on Friday, not to mention the evident affection between them was heart exploding and most certainly infectious. As usual, the individual songs blurred into a kaleidoscope of INXSyness, but I do - just about - remember that Mystify was especially brilliant, the crowd sang along to every word; Afterglow was stunningly powerful; I once described Hungry as being structured like a female orgasm and let's just say it didn't disappoint; Never Let You Go is absolutely hypnotic... Need You Tonight was phenomenal, actually being able to watch the famous 'dun dun dun...' bit being played just feet from my face, I don't think I took my eyes off Kirk's fingers the entire song - except to briefly watch Tim and JD doing their daft 'slide over here' dance; By My Side just heart wrenching; if I mention Taste It I will have to go and have a little lie down at the sheer thought of it; and the entire encore was like the finale of a fireworks display - an absolute array of brilliant hit after brilliant hit. Never Tear Us Apart... I honestly have no words. The power and emotion of that song, especially in the context of their having been torn apart and now re-complete, plus the sheer fact that it is such a Hutch anthem... I have most certainly over used the word 'stunning' here, but that is the only one that fits. Garry came over to our side at the beginning of the song, and stood mouthing the words to the crowd. He touched his heart, blew us a kiss; it was such a treat to see such a genuine and heartfelt moment close up.

The one thought my scrambled and spent brain could manage as we wound our way back down the mountain was that there was no way that Townsville could compete. That was it; that was the INXS performance and I while I was thrilled at the thought of getting to do it all over again the following night, I wondered if it might take fractionally away from the ultimate-ness of Kuranda to see a second show which just couldn't possibly be on the same level. INXS, I owe you an apology for that fleeting thought - Townsville was all of the above, and more. In a more normal, small arena setting, I realized that a part of the energy of the night before must have actually escaped above to the stars, but in Townsville, it hit the ceiling, bounced back down and exploded in the crowd. I can't honestly remember when I was last in the midst of such a rabid, sweaty, captivated crowd; being bashed about from all directions almost like being battered around by the sea after wiping out following a tragic attempt at surfing; threatening to drown the band out with our roars - not that they weren't up to the challenge of competing with us; and again all being 100% in the palm of one very capable Canadian hand. Had JD chosen to mildly suggest we all stand on our heads and do an upside down frog dance wearing only one shoe, the stampede that would have ensued would have threatened to bring the Townsville Entertainment Centre to a pathetic pile of rubble. Despite partaking in a beverage or two at the casino across the road before the show, we still managed to make it back in time to hit the barrier - so poor Kirk had to put up with my goofy grin right in front of him for a second night running.

Well, that is my vain attempt at describing what cannot be captured in mere words. It was phenomenal; pure and simple. The only worry is, that if they continue like this, by Brisbane - not to mention London in just a few weeks - they will just walk on stage, the crowd will immediately combust, and that will be it.